Butterfly Sparks Designs

Friday, December 21, 2012

Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh.

I was a serious kid.  

Mom says that I usually seemed to be in deep thought, even as a baby.  Others often called me a kid with an “old soul”.  

As I grew up, I developed more extroverted aspects of my personality and definitely inherited my parents' sense of fun and humor…but even so, that serious kid was still there.  And she still is.  

I love to think, to study, and to connect with others in very deep and meaningful ways.  There’s not much I love more than a deep conversation with meaning and substance.  But if you know me well, then you know I can also be a great big goofball who (i) sings silly songs in the shower at the top of her lungs and off key; (ii) makes sad attempts at joke-telling, uncontrollably laughing before she can even get the punch line out; and (iii) wheezes and snorts when she laughs – well, it’s more of a cackle, really.  

But that thinker, that “old soul” who still makes up more of me than the goofy part … well, she is my comfortable place.  Sometimes I wonder why.  I mean, that doesn’t make sense.  Shouldn’t it be the other way around, like it is for most others?  Maybe it’s because I’m confident in my intellect but not in my ability to make you laugh.  Or maybe it’s because I hate the sound of my laugh.  Or maybe it’s because I think I can hide behind a deep conversation in order to keep you at a safe “distance” from me yet still allow me to connect to you. I mean, don’t most people start off by being lighthearted at first and then when trust is built in a relationship, the deep stuff comes later?  Nope, not me.  I’m the opposite. Because if I don’t feel safe or trusting in a relationship, then it’s very, very hard for me to laugh with you.  

So if I can be goofy and silly and cut up around you -- well, it means that I’m comfortable enough with you to let you in.  It's me, making myself vulnerable.  I know -- weird.  

One of my most treasured friends stopped me in my tracks in a conversation earlier today.  I was getting a little frustrated with my friend's attempt to tell a joke after I shared something that I considered heavy.

“Melissa, don’t you know that I just want to make you belly laugh right now?”  

Whoa.  There, across from me, was someone who loves me enough to genuinely want me not only to chuckle, but to belly laugh.  That was his only concern in that moment.  He couldn't fix my obstacle.  He couldn't change my circumstance.  But he could lead me back to joy through the simplicity of laughter.  What a simply beautiful gift to want to give someone.  

In that quick moment I felt the presence of one of the most special gifts there are  – one that I had taken for granted not only in this relationship but in my relationship with the Lord.  And in that little minute I felt so grateful, so loved…as the voice of God spoke through my friend’s voice.  

God just wants to make me belly laugh, too

I love the depth and substance of my prayer and study time.  But it’s so easy to find myself so caught up in the academia, the meanings, the general “heavy stuff” and to forget to just … laugh.  I was reminded so lovingly today that He wants to make me belly laugh as He directs my heart and my life.  But for someone like me…well, that means I need to trust Him and let Him in more. 

And in my relationships, it’s so easy for someone who loves to connect with depth and substance to forget to breathe in and exhale a wheezy snort-filled belly laugh even when things are heavy.  So thank you to my amazing friend for reminding me. You know who you are.  I love you much, and I promise to trust, relax, and let you in a little more, too. Thank you for loving me with the love of the Lord and reminding me of what is possible with Him! 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is so true! I love it!