I’m a sappy card person. I love sending cards and writing notes and letters. I suppose that shows my age a bit, but many times an email simply won’t do. When I receive a handwritten note or card from someone, it lifts me up in a way that an email or text message will never be able to. I love to think about the way that the person’s sentiment to me flowed from the heart to the hand to the paper, and made its way to me. I just love that. And when those moments come when the love I feel for someone overflows, then my pen comes out. If you get a card, a note, or a letter from me, then it means that I love you. It means that I “overflowed” for you so I had to express it. It’s a gift that comes from a deeper place than anything that I would purchase for you. And it’s usually a little long, mushy, and well…maybe a little sappy. Because that’s just me.
A couple of years ago, I saw a pile of words that I had written…words of love and encouragement to someone I loved deeply … tossed away in a trash can. That painful image was burned into my memory. And I didn’t write again for well over a year. I decided that I would never again make myself vulnerable in my words – not to anyone for any purpose. I had often been asked to write devotions for various meetings, and I stopped doing that. No journal entries, no more cards, notes, or letters to anyone. Every time I sat down to write, the image of the pile in his trash can flashed before my eyes. Opening myself to being vulnerable through words of love, confession, or encouragement was no longer an option for me.
Today, I burned some words. Lots of words. Pages of them. Words that proved deception and betrayal. Not my words, but tangible reminders of pain. The pain that God has been calling me to so that He can lead me to the doorway of hope. It had been ages since I’d read them, but for some reason, they followed me through two moves. They remained in a special box designated just for them. I held and guarded them for some reason…probably for many reasons. But they are no longer here. What I didn’t expect, however, is that the vision that I had been carrying for 2 years -- my words laying in the trash can -- was also in the flames. As the flames grew high and the heat intensified, it, too, burned away.
As He is always faithful to His promise, He will bring beauty from the ashes. Every single time.
Beautiful forgiveness.
Beautiful restoration.
Beautiful healing.
So check your mail. You might just be getting a letter from me very soon. I'm sorry it took so long.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
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