Butterfly Sparks Designs

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Past, Present, and ...

For the past two years, I’ve given each new year a word. Well, actually, God gave the words to me. In 2010, the word was “Breakthrough”. And a year of Breakthrough it was – the loving hands who hold flowers in the desert walked right into the pain that was the cancer of my heart. He healed me.

In 2011, the word is "Dreams". I wrote about it here. On the other side of Breakthrough, I found my ability to dream again. Big, audacious dreams. 

Back in January of this year, God kept showing me lions. No, that’s not a typo. Lions. For a period of several weeks, I kept hearing Him say “lion” to me during my prayer time. During that season, I was wrestling before God because leadership opportunities were coming my way and I was running hard from them. I had been running from them for years, really. If I turned the TV on, there was usually some sort of a lion in the scene playing. I even remember passing a billboard with a huge picture of a lion. I mean, come on. He might as well just have plugged in a neon sign in front of my face. I read from Daniel and spent hours trying so hard to study the Word to find what He wanted me to know.  But I didn’t get it. I just couldn’t understand what He was trying to tell me.

We had a prophetic prayer ministry from the Wesley Foundation at UGA come to a youth retreat to do a prayer workshop, and a few adults were invited. It was my first experience being prayed for prophetically. I was a bit skeptical , so I just prayed that if this was something of God, that He would give the people praying over me something so specific that only He would know. I arrived to the prayer room, sat down, and immediately one of the young men in the group (whom I’d never met before in my life) leaned his body all the way across the table, got right in my face and said “God wants you to know that He didn’t create you to be a housecat. He created you to be a lion.”  WOW.

That was the night I stopped running.

Once that happened, He opened the floodgates. I didn’t have to do a thing or make anything happen. He did, by the bucketfulls. 

Recruited by a major publisher to write a book. Invited to be a guest writer on some very well-known blogs and some ministry publications. Asked to speak at events. Leading a cluster group.  Seeing incredible growth in counseling ministry.

On October 17th, my plans were to leave work to come home to put the finishing touches on Chapter 4 of the book. Instead, I was at my parents’ house grieving the news that I have cancer.

Not now, God. Not now. You just taught me to dream. How can you give me a book deal AND cancer? Don’t you remember – this is the year of dreams. You told me that. Did you forget?

No, He didn't forget.

In Breakthrough, I gave Him my past.

I now realize that in Dreams, I must give Him my future.

Those dreams that I have? He gave them to me. They’re His, and they are still on fire and alive in me because He is alive in me. Earlier this year in Africa, He showed me that He will not relent until He has all of my heart.  So I confess that I haven't surrendered my future to Him.  The past, yes.  The present, yes.  But, my future --  I have surrendered only enough not to lose control.  This journey is showing me that.   

So I hold my future out to Him, with outstretched arms and open hands to the One who does not relent in His love for me.

It’s yours, Lord.  It's yours. 


Anonymous said...

Melissa, I just soaked in every word you have written today and it has touched me heart so deeply. You have a such love and a heart for God. Letting go and giving Christ our all is not always easy but it is when we do let go that God works His miracles in our lives beyond anything we could imagine. Just like you saw when you surrended your past and present to Him.

I love you so much Melissa,

Amy Smith Bryan said...

Wow, Missy! You don't know the blessings that you are sharing with others through your willingness to be completely sold out for our Lord and Savior. May you rest peacefully during your surgery knowing that He is holding you tight and that you are covered in prayer.

Melissa Alagon said...

Sometimes I convince myself that I don't really want the dreams I have in my heart. Because if I accept them as mine, then I'll either be asked of the Lord to go after them or to give them up. Both seem more painful than denial. The reality is...if you keep writing like this, I won't be able to. God is good. You are right smack in the midst of His will, still doing His work and building His Kingdom with every word you write. Love to you and healing besides. :)